Change, Frustration, and Trust

For what seems like the 100th time in the last month, life has once again thrown a curve ball.

Last time I posted about my trip, I said that AIM would be able to transfer all of the support that had been raised to another non-profit. However, I found out late last week that they would no longer be doing that, but instead would be refunding all donations.

This was frustrating for a number of reasons, but mostly because it meant that I would have to re-raise the support AND find another trip to go on, all before the end of the year. Thankfully, my church has been incredibly supportive and I have been connected with many resourceful and well-connected people. I don't have anything definitive yet, but leads are strong for opportunities in Uganda, South Africa, and Mozambique (if you're reading this after getting my most recent letter, this is different). All of the opportunities are still in orphan-care and would still be for 6-8 months.

Of course, there's still the issue of raising support once again. The two days following the news that the money would be refunded were definitely the most stressful for me since finding out that the trip was canceled. In August, I couldn't imagine raising $9250 once, much less a second time in three months!! However, in those moments, the Lord gently reminded me of his provision the first time and I was assured that those blessings would be no less the second time.

Once again, my church was very supportive in this and is allowing supporters to re-write checks to them, which will then be passed on to whichever organization I end up going through. This is a huge blessing, particularly as it nears the end of the year and people need to get checks in soon in order to use them on taxes.

As I move forward, it is with a stronger trust in the Lord than I've ever had before. It is also with a deeper understanding of His sovereignty and grace in my life. So, while I never would have chosen for my trip to be canceled, there is blessing even in this. I am so thankful that God has given me the eyes to see those blessings.

Starting the week before my trip was canceled, I started memorizing Philippians 3:7-11:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

This experience has helped me understand more of what this verse is talking about. I'm at a point where I can't just talk about trusting in God and valuing Him above all else. I actually have to trust Him. With everything. I actually have to find satisfaction in Him alone. Period.

If I never raise a dime of my support back, if I never go to Africa, if I go to Africa and get malaria, it can't matter because I am found in Christ. My hope is in Him alone.

I'll leave you with a video that I saw on my college pastor's blog. It's only 4 minutes and is well worth watching:

A weekend with history...

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to go to San Diego to visit Mrs. Viola, an old friend of my grandparents. She'll be 100 in January, and she has planned for several years to fly me out for her 100th birthday. Since I won't be here in January, I went out a little early.

I spent the weekend listening to her tell stories about the past. She was a nurse anesthetist during WWII and landed on the Utah Beach one day after D-Day (see pic below!). She is a great, detailed story-teller and remembers almost all about her experiences in Europe. She also saves everything, so she has pictures, newspaper clippings, even her old uniforms - very interesting.

Here are a few pictures:

Landing on Utah Beach one day after D-day.

Mrs. Viola and her brother were both in the war. This is the actual flag that hung in her parent's home while they were gone. Because Viola was a commissioned officer, she outranked her brother. Their mother disapproved of this and would tell Viola that the top star was her brother's and hers was the bottom.

Showing off her and her brother's medals and insignia.

Enjoying our short time.

Update...Kind of

While nothing is finalized for my trip in January, things are looking very good for me to go through Fellowship and STILL LEAVE IN JANUARY!!! This is truly a blessing, as there really is no way to get things arranged in such a short amount of time other than relying on the Lord to make it happen.

There are still a lot of things that have to happen and there's a possibility that I'll leave a little later, but so far things have been incredibly smooth. I truly haven't done anything...stuff has just happened! If I go through Fellowship, I will probably go to Uganda, maybe Zimbabwe, and there's a possibility of Tanzania as well. I will continue to post updates as I get more information.


In other news, I'm on my way to San Diego to spend the weekend with Mrs. Viola, my 100-year-old friend. I've only met her one other time, but I am very happy that I am getting the opportunity now and am praying that our conversation will be fruitful. This woman has seen and experienced so much. She was a nurse anesthetist during WWII and was on Utah Beach two days after D-Day. She was also there during the Battle of the Bulge. I am hoping to "interview" her and record some of her experiences!

P.S. I truly am on the way. American Airlines was offering free wireless Internet in-flight and I am totally taking advantage of that!

Disappointment

On Thursday I got a message from AIM asking me to call them when I got a chance. They had some questions for me. On Friday, I got a chance and called them. I was certainly unprepared for the news they gave me. They told me that my trip to Africa had been canceled.

Explanation: The trip I was going on was called the Novas project. It's the newest of AIMs programs and the January trip was going to be only the second group to be sent out. However, I found out Friday that the response has been poor and AIM was losing quite a bit of money on Novas. So they decided to cut the program. I was stunned, totally taken off guard.

I do not blame AIM for this. I understand the reasons they cut the program and I think they were very honest about the whole process. Do I wish I had known sooner? Of course. But the final deadline to apply wasn't until November 1, so I was just way ahead of the curve as far as planing and preparation goes (I know this will be shocking to those who know me...NOT!). Several people had just applied in the last few weeks. All that to say, AIM wasn't dragging out the decision-making process and passed along the news as soon as possible. I still have a great deal of respect for the organization and strongly believe that they are making a global impact for the Kingdom of Christ.

At this point, I have several options:

1. I can go on another AIM trip. There's one leaving in January for three months. I could go to Swaziland, Kenya, or India. I am praying about this option. They also have an eleven month trip called the World Race. You visit 11 countries in 11 months. I love relational missions, so this is not a good option for me. I want to go to one country and stay there for the duration of my trip.
2. I can find another organization to go through. As long as they're non-profit, AIM can transfer all of my support over to them. At this point, this is the option I'm leaning strongly toward. However, it's very overwhelming to think about beginning the searching process over...I'm supposed to leave in January!!
3. I can not go and my supporters will be refunded. Obviously this is not what I want but I am trying to be open to this as a possibility.

By the grace of God, I have been filled with an overwhelming sense of peace ever since I got the news. Am I overwhelmed? Yes. Disappointed? Absolutely. Confused? Most definitely. BUT I truly am at peace with this. I'm not freaking out or devastated, just clinging to the truth that Christ will be glorified in all things and that whatever He has in store for me is much better than anything I could ever imagine.

With that said, I am still feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I have a lot of research to do if I'm going with another organization. The good news is I have all my shots, anti-malarial medication, passport, and everything else I need for spending 8 months out of the country. Hopefully that will expedite the application process with another organization.

I will do my best to keep everyone updated throughout the next couple weeks of decision-making. I would greatly appreciate your prayers, specifically for wisdom and discernment.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path. -Proverbs 3:5-6