Change, Frustration, and Trust

For what seems like the 100th time in the last month, life has once again thrown a curve ball.

Last time I posted about my trip, I said that AIM would be able to transfer all of the support that had been raised to another non-profit. However, I found out late last week that they would no longer be doing that, but instead would be refunding all donations.

This was frustrating for a number of reasons, but mostly because it meant that I would have to re-raise the support AND find another trip to go on, all before the end of the year. Thankfully, my church has been incredibly supportive and I have been connected with many resourceful and well-connected people. I don't have anything definitive yet, but leads are strong for opportunities in Uganda, South Africa, and Mozambique (if you're reading this after getting my most recent letter, this is different). All of the opportunities are still in orphan-care and would still be for 6-8 months.

Of course, there's still the issue of raising support once again. The two days following the news that the money would be refunded were definitely the most stressful for me since finding out that the trip was canceled. In August, I couldn't imagine raising $9250 once, much less a second time in three months!! However, in those moments, the Lord gently reminded me of his provision the first time and I was assured that those blessings would be no less the second time.

Once again, my church was very supportive in this and is allowing supporters to re-write checks to them, which will then be passed on to whichever organization I end up going through. This is a huge blessing, particularly as it nears the end of the year and people need to get checks in soon in order to use them on taxes.

As I move forward, it is with a stronger trust in the Lord than I've ever had before. It is also with a deeper understanding of His sovereignty and grace in my life. So, while I never would have chosen for my trip to be canceled, there is blessing even in this. I am so thankful that God has given me the eyes to see those blessings.

Starting the week before my trip was canceled, I started memorizing Philippians 3:7-11:

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith - that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

This experience has helped me understand more of what this verse is talking about. I'm at a point where I can't just talk about trusting in God and valuing Him above all else. I actually have to trust Him. With everything. I actually have to find satisfaction in Him alone. Period.

If I never raise a dime of my support back, if I never go to Africa, if I go to Africa and get malaria, it can't matter because I am found in Christ. My hope is in Him alone.

I'll leave you with a video that I saw on my college pastor's blog. It's only 4 minutes and is well worth watching: