Hugging in a Handshake Culture

Something I noticed almost immediately upon my arrival in Gulu and, more specifically, in Tegot, was that most of the kids tense up when you hug them. They are totally cool with handshakes and are actually culturally obligated to shake hands with and kneel or curtsy to adults. I initially thought that it was just because they didn’t know me, but then I noticed that the same happens when they get hugs from Chrissy, whom they have known for several months now.

Upon further observation and a little research, I have discovered that part of this is due to Acholi culture. Parents do not ever hug their children or show physical affection. Another aspect is that almost all of the children are orphans or come from single-parent families. While they are all being cared for in someone’s home (mostly a grandmother), adoption is not often viewed in the same way as America, so the children are not necessarily taken in as part of the family but more just fed and housed. Plus, most of the kids are in their situations because of violence done by the LRA – very traumatic way to lose a parent or parents. Finally, and probably the biggest part of this is due to the years of violence and atrocities that they have lived with – it has caused them to emotionally pull back as a coping mechanism. People who visited Tegot even a year ago say that the kids did not used to smile. It is hard for me to even imagine an entire village of children that have been robbed of so much that they don’t smile.

Even though it is obvious that most of the kids feel incredibly awkward when hugged, it is equally as obvious that they enjoy that physical contact. After the initial shock of being embraced, they almost always break out with huge smiles. Chrissy has continued to hug them through the awkwardness for months now and I will most definitely do the same. It is undoubtedly healthy for kids to be hugged and is a great way to affirm to them that I really do love and care about them. I want them to know that hugs are good and safe. Plus, I heard somewhere that to maintain physical and emotional well-being, a person should receive 5-10 meaningful touches a day (for all your Crossroad-ers!). :-)

There are some kids who have already adjusted to hugs (mostly from Chrissy’s time working on this) and just skip the obligatory handshake altogether. I even walked two girls home a couple days ago, both of them with their arms wrapped around my waist. I am so thankful that the Lord has allowed me the blessing of being trusted by these precious children. It is my prayer for each of them that they will one day trust in the Gospel if they haven’t already.

If you’re interested in getting a better idea of the history of the camp, there’s a video you can view at http://limegreenphotography.com/tegotatoo. The focus is more on the resettlement process rather than the kids, but the images are professional and excellent. They capture how camp looks, although I would say they don’t capture the HOPE that lives there now. Still, worth the five minutes to watch!

Also, I’m fully recovered now. Giardia was not fun, but didn’t last long and for that I am so thankful!